I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
