operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
