Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize