Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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