What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
