Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
