he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
