i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
