Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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