Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
