The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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