I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
