I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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