is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
