I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize