BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
