Pappa wants mamma naked
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
