I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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