Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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