Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
