I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm getting married
To pizza
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
