At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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