Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
