How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
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