kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize