sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
