3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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