I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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