Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
