The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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