captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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