the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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