We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
