I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
