Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
