i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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