Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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