He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
