SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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