so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
