fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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