Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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