Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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