is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
