the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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