I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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