I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
