I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
