Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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