omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
