I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize