Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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