im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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