So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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