Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
