Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
