You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
