My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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