I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize