I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
