no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
