Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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