it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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