Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
